put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
birth control should be required to get into college
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
