She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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