I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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