How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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