I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
