She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
