Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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