how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
