ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize