How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize