the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize