Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
