yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize