You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
