It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
