This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
