i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think your dad took our porno
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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