Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
