i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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