He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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