I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
