I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
