Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
