It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
