Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We had sex on a dog bed..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
