We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
