They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
