From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
