Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
