Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
