you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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