Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
