when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
