Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
