I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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