How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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