dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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