This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How naked do you want me to be?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
