NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
