so that wasnt chicken after all
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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