sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
