69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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