6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
