I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
