I'm drive I can fine osifer
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
