her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
