She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
