there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
