I think i peed on brittanys purse
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
