Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
