His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
