He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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