Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
