i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
