A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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