Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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