One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have feelings that need drinking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
