Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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