I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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