i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
