good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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