The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
