I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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