trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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