i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
