Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
