Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am available for nakedness
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
