woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He shit in the fireplace
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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