Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
