Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize