Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
