Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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