Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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