Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
