You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
